What to do if your child goes missing.

The thought of a child going missing is every parent’s worst nightmare. Children go missing for a variety of reasons.  They can run away or be lured by an online predator in an internet chat room.  The can be taken by a non-custodial parent to another country or, in the worst case scenario, abducted by someone the child does not know.  They can be missing for an hour, a day, a year or in the worst case scenario, they may never be seen again.

The criminal abduction of a child is very rare in fact there is approximately one child abduction murder for every 10,000 reports of a missing child.  So although we know it does happen it is the least likely scenario we will have to face.

If you are unsure whether your child has run away or been abducted, you should consider the following:

1. DON’T PANIC

Most likely there is a plausible reason for their absence. Trust your instincts. You know your child better than anyone and you are aware of their normal routines, habits and personality. If you feel that something is wrong, you are probably right.

2. SEARCH THE HOUSE AND IMMEDIATE AREA

Look in every possible hiding spot inside the house and outside, including obscure places such as under the bed, in the shed or any unusual places children can get stuck, for example, outdoor fridges, clothes dryers, etc.  Search the areas surrounding your home as well as the usual play areas. It is surprising how smaller children, in particular, can hide away in small spaces and sleep so deeply, they do not hear people shouting their names.  One case (November 1987) involved a six year old who climbed into a butcher's van without the driver's knowledge and was subsequently locked in for 24 hours while teams of police and neighbours searched for him nearby. It is also important to check if your child has taken anything with him/her including clothing, money, vehicle, etc.

3. NOTIFY THE STORE MANAGER OR SECURITY OFFICER, IF YOUR CHILD DISAPPEARS IN A STORE.

Many stores have a Code Adam (US) plan of action, whereby if a child is missing in the store, employees immediately mobilize to look for the missing child. If they are not found quickly, then they immediately call their local law enforcement agency.

4. CALL EVERYONE WHO MAY KNOW WHERE YOUR CHILD COULD BE.

This is where your knowledge of your child’s friends and hangouts will be vital.  Utilize the family phonebook (refer to the Silent Crisis for more on creating a family phone book) and make it your business to ensure all family members keep it up-to-date, as this is when it will be needed. The physical and telephone search should not take any longer than half an hour.

5. REPORT YOUR CHILD MISSING TO POLICE.

If you still cannot find your child, contact police as EVERY SECOND COUNTS. The early actions of family and law enforcement agencies are critical to the safe recovery of the child in the first 48 hours.  Fast action is critical as there is typically a two hour delay in making the initial missing child report (60%) and the vast majority of the abducted children who are murdered are dead within three hours of the abduction.  It is vital to respond quickly.

Unlike in the movies, there is no time period for action in a missing person’s case.  A person does not have to be missing for 48 hours before police can act.  If there is a concern for a person’s welfare, then police will act upon each case as is necessary. Police agencies receive reports of missing children daily.  Most claims are resolved quickly with the reappearance of the child in question.  It is not unusual for missing child reports to be received with a degree of scepticism but sometimes such scepticism is misplaced and precious lead time may be lost.

If your report is met with disbelief or if delays are encountered, be persistent, firm and adamant that your child’s absence is most uncharacteristic and that you are very concerned for their welfare.   If you can establish that there is nothing to indicate that your child ran away, it will expedite the classification of your child as abducted or endangered.

Most police officers will not have firsthand experience working on a missing child case. If your primary contact cannot answer your questions, find out who can. Also, if you feel that your child's disappearance has been classified inappropriately, ask to speak to the officer's supervisor or to someone else who may have more experience in these types of cases.

Simply, don't take “No” for an answer if you feel strongly that something else needs to be done. Do not rely solely on the efforts of police.  Gather friends, family members and neighbours. Get the word out.  Ask everyone you know for assistance, especially people in high places.  Go door-to-door, asking if anyone has seen your child.

6. FIND A CURRENT PHOTO.

Prepare a description of what your child was last wearing, as well as addresses and telephone numbers of friends, places they could be and any other information that may be relevant. If you already have this information in the form of a Child Identification Booklet and an up-to-date family phonebook, it will save precious time. Police will require this information from you at the time of reporting.

7. INITIATE AN SMS SOS CAMPAIGN.

Find a volunteer/s to start sending SMS and email messages to EVERYONE you know with the details of your child’s disappearance.  Ask the recipients of the message to forward it on to everyone they know to get the word out.  Include a description of what your child was last wearing, where they were last seen and a physical description of them including their age and any distinguishing features, e.g., braces on teeth, red hair, large scar on right arm, plus a recent photo attachment.   Also include contact details for the police officer in charge of your case and for yourself.  If your child uses the computer, send emails to their online friends also.  Look at their address book icon on the options bar of your computer/s to access email addresses your child may have been using.

8. LIMIT ACCESS TO YOUR HOME.

Until police arrive, do not touch or remove anything from your child's room or from your home. Common items such as clothing, sheets, personal items, computers and even what’s in the garbage may hold clues to the whereabouts of your child.  The Polly Klaas Foundation related a story in which a 15-year old girl from California had spent the last few months on the internet researching modelling agencies in the hopes that she would one day become a model.  When she disappeared in February, it was discovered that she had erased all of her emails and had changed her screen name, which made it apparent to the investigators that she was travelling to meet someone she had met online.
In the scope of the investigation, the FBI was able to track the girl by the bus ticket she had purchased and was able to locate her partway through her trip to New York to meet a man who had promised her fame as a model and had forwarded the funds for her to make the trip across the country.

9. HAVE SOMEONE WAIT AT HOME.

This is important as the child may return home while you’re out searching. Also, someone should be there to answer telephone calls.  It is wise to keep a detailed diary or log next to the telephone to record times, dates, names and telephone numbers of all incoming and outgoing calls and to note any other information relevant to the call. Such a log should also record what action had been taken and by whom. For example:
12/09/04   10:30am   Mary Jones conducted doorknock of Smith Street – no results.
The value of keeping a diary or log of events is not merely one of record. It helps refresh the memories of inquirers and, should there be a change of personnel or a review of inquiries, a diary can be of value in highlighting untapped avenues and establishing who was, or was not, present at particular times.
An answering machine will ensure you do not miss important messages when you are unavoidably away from the phone and the use of a tape recorder attached to the telephone will enable you to review any calls that were difficult to comprehend on first hearing or those that contained a lot of information.

10. KNOW THE NAME AND CONTACT DETAILS OF THE POLICE OFFICER/S COORDINATING THE INVESTIGATION AND KEEP COMMUNICATION LINES OPEN.

You need to be partners pursuing the common goal of finding your lost or abducted child. As partners, it is imperative you establish a relationship based on mutual respect, trust and honesty. As partners, however, you do not have to agree on every detail. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, make suggestions and air differences of opinion.  Ask what efforts are being made to locate your child and specifically what type of searches are being conducted and make sure you feel comfortable that those efforts are adequate.

11. CONTACT THE MEDIA.

A decision will need to be made as to the benefits of media publicity in your particular case, but once abduction is suspected, parents will do well to consider utilising the media as soon as possible.

All state and Territory police services have procedures in place to facilitate media publicity for missing persons. Police will normally advise at what stage they consider publicity desirable and will require a written release from parents before taking action. However, there is nothing to stop parents acting independently in such matters should they be dissatisfied with police efforts.

In some instances, parents have received excellent support from media outlets, contrary to police advice. The media can be important allies in a missing child case and publicity is the best way to generate leads from the public concerning your child. In most cases, the media should be contacted immediately because time is not on your child's side.

You can ask police to make the initial calls to media outlets, but if this is not done promptly, call and give the information to the assignment editors yourself. Intense, early media coverage ensures that people will be looking for your child.

Sometimes the coverage is so intense that it causes an abductor to let the child go. If, for some reason, police are reluctant to use the media, point out that swift use of the media has led to the successful recovery of more than one missing child and that your child's safety and recovery are more important than building a case against a suspect. Emphasize that your child's life is in imminent jeopardy. Ask that certain information not be released if it might jeopardize the case or the safety of your child and honour that request.

REMEMBER, THE FIRST 48 HOURS ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT.

Consideration may also be given to offering a reward.  The production of posters and fliers may also assist. Police agencies are experienced in such matters and will advise parents accordingly.

Regrettably, there are disturbed people in all communities and it is important to ensure that with any media coverage, your personal information, such as you home address and telephone numbers, are not publicized.  At such times, nuisance calls can be misleading to investigators and extremely upsetting for the families involved.

12. BE WARY OF UNSCRUPULOUS CHARACTERS.

A lot of phoney services and expensive private investigators can take advantage of desperate parents in this situation. Desperation can force people to consider options they would never entertain in more stable times, but however desperate you become, do not resort to the psychics and mystics who invariably approach parents in this situation. Such people will charge you large amounts of money but will not help you.
Be careful of private investigators that may approach you with a view to investigating your child's disappearance. There are many excellent private investigators but no ethical operator would approach you in such a matter. In any event, seek impartial advice, perhaps from the police officer/s handling your case, before considering employing a private investigator. Their services can be very expensive.

13. BRAINSTORM.

Write down as many telephone numbers and addresses as you can think of, including prior in-laws and relatives, and keep a record of anything unusual or anyone with whom you or child may have come into contact recently.
Your list should include:

• Anyone you feel might have something against you or your family and follow up on any suspicions, hunches or thoughts you may have. If you have other children, keep them informed and talk to them. They may possess relevant information.
• Everyone who routinely comes to your home. Your list should include postal workers, meter readers, garbage collectors, repair persons, salespeople, pizza delivery persons, and so forth. Don't feel guilty about relaying suspicions concerning someone you know. It is not often that a total stranger takes a child. You may not want to believe that it is someone that you know but keep an open mind and consider all the possibilities. Above all else, trust your feelings, instincts and gut reactions and share them with police so they can be checked out.
• Identify new, different or unusual people or circumstances in and around your home or school within the past year. Think about if you or any of your neighbours had any home remodelling or house repairs done within the past year. Were any houses listed for sale in your neighbourhood in the past year? Has there been any road construction or building in the area? Have any travelling carnivals passed through the area?
  

14. OBTAIN YOUR CHILD’S MEDICAL AND DENTAL RECORDS, INCLUDING X-RAYS.

Give copies of all medical and dental records to law enforcement for use in the investigation. They may provide vital clues in the identification of your child.

15. TAKE CARE OF YOURSELVES AND YOUR FAMILY.

Eat, sleep and rest as much as you can as your child needs you to be strong. Not knowing where your child is or how he or she is being treated is one of the hardest things any parent will ever have to face. One minute you will feel a surge of hope, the next, complete despair threatening your very sanity. Life will become an emotional rollercoaster that won't really stop until you can hold your child in your arms again.

As you enter more deeply into the nightmare, know that you are not alone. Unfortunately, other families have had to travel this path also and have experienced the same emotional heartache. Families can and do survive – and yours will, too. But it will take all the strength, hope and willpower you can muster.

For many other simple ways to safeguard children from abduction please refer to 'The Silent Crisis.'

Download a copy of this article

Download Adobe Acrobat Reader

Back to the Top